Now, right from the start, to explain for a hundredth time that my parents got divorced…oh yes, that was the real start of the problem. Before that we had been a normal family. Mother always a little stricter than father, but everything working all right… Then I was alone. And did all kinds of things. I was lucky to leave with just the little scar on my shoulder. And mother’s care – morning exercise by the open window, cold showers… and mother’s inquisitive eye, and talks about what I have to do and what I must not do… of course. As if there was only the obligations and no delights… It is not about exercise or no exercise, or the temperature of the shower, it is about having no other opportunity. Mother clearly cannot see that I am not a baby any more; she would still like to feed me with milk. For example she would not let me wear make-up.

My schoolmates find it normal to wear lipstick at school, even though it is not allowed, and I do not even have any nail polish at home. Once I borrowed some eye shadows and a lipstick and you would not believe what she did. I thought mother would rub my face with a piece of steel wool. Then she tried to persuade me that it was not good to draw the attention of men so much. She only stopped at midnight. I thought my knees would not bear me any more...